I've been thinking a lot about walking lately. A few years ago, I amazed myself and everyone who knows me by becoming a runner. I am not a prolific runner: 5k's, sprint triathlons, and a few 10k's are all I've done. But as someone who never, ever would have imagined myself as a runner, and even more, enjoying running, it has been a significant accomplishment.
Last August, after finishing a year-long internship as part of the process towards becoming a Lutheran pastor, I ran a 10k with my husband Bill. Neither of us had trained much, Bill hardly at all. Of course, he smoked me on the trail, coming in a good 20 minutes ahead of me (how does he do that???). It was a hard run. Since then, I've been taking a little hiatus from running. I've been walking instead.
I take my dog Gunnar on hour-long walks everyday. Not only did I want a break from running, I also wanted to get Gunnar out for more exercise. He is a 7 year-old Mini Australian Shepherd, and he's got issues. He's extremely protective of the house and wants to violently kill anyone who comes near. He has some separation anxiety, and would jump and nip (let's face it, bite) me as I was trying to leave the house. Typically, Aussies are high-anxiety little beasties anyway, and Gunnar is their Anxiety King. We've had him for about 4 and a half years, and despite all our efforts and investments in training, treats, food, anything and everything, his issues were only getting worse. We ended up putting him on Prozac a few months ago. At the same time, desperate and willing to try anything, I took him to a naturopathic vet that a friend recommended, in the most hippie-dippie looking space you can imagine, in Fremont, of course. She put him on calming herbs, enteric support pills (no idea what that does), recommended switching him to raw food (which is awesome but super expensive), and continue with the Prozac and probiotics he's already on. He will probably be going back to get some acupuncture and possible even Reiki soon (I know, who am I?). And above all, she said, get him more exercise. Keep that little work-oriented mind of his busy and moving.
So we walk. And as walking is so much slower and relaxed than running, it's given me lots of time to think. About walking. I find myself getting frustrated with how S-L-O-W we move while walking. I like the quick feeling of accomplishment that comes from running; you're just out for 20 minutes and feel like a million bucks. With walking, the endorphins don't get a chance to kick in at the same level. We plod along, one foot in front of the other. It is a nice change of pace, but I often find myself wanting to speed up, kick into high gear, and just run.
During this same time, I've started a new job, my first one as a pastor (yay!). I'm quickly learning about the nature of congregations, especially when it comes to change. It has to be done SO SLOWLY. And carefully, as in, full-of-care. It makes sense; people find meaning, comfort, and assurance in the rituals and practices that a congregation develops. As a group dedicated to passing on traditions and stories of the past, it naturally leans towards conservation of those things, and away from change and innovation. So I am trying to walk with them, at their pace. But I just want to RUN! I have so many ideas, and things I want to change, even simple things like moving a table from one side of the room to the other. But I can't; I have to walk. I have to go slowly, one foot in front of the other.
When we walk through the greenbelt areas near our house, I make myself slow down even more as we pass through the trees, in order to notice and admire the changing colors, and the way the waning sunlight filters through the leaves. I remind myself that I am not training for a marathon; I'm training to walk. To go slow. To be a good and faithful leader.
But damn, it can be frustrating. :-)
